Time still goes on...

Well, it's been a while but A LOT has happened since I've written. We moved into my parents house and found out we were expecting our first child. Wow...God is just funny that way right?

I mean the last thing on my mind, no excuse me, the FARTHEST thing from my mind would be to be living at home with my first child. Well, this has been a pregnancy of testing. I mean from the get go God has truly been testing our faith. I found a cyst growing underneath my breast 2 days before I found out I was pregnant. We found out it was a skin cyst and have to wait until after the baby is born to figure out what to do.

Through out the rest of the pregnancy it has been one thing after another. Horrible first trimester (I was so sick and weak). Bleeding through the second trimester has lead me to be on bed rest. They found out that I have an incompetent cervix.

I have been on bed rest now for a little over a month. And it has been a trying time. Trying mostly because of the cramps that I get on occasion. God is good though. Through my mother He gave me this awesome verse:

ZECHARIAH 2:5 For I,' says the LORD, 'will be a wall of fire all around her, and I will be the glory in her midst.'

I pray that through any circumstances you are presently going through you remember this verse. Keep close to your heart my friend that He WILL be a wall of fire all around you.

I love you my friend!

Something Odd

There has been something on my heart lately; and I just honestly couldn't place what it was. It has been bugging me since New Year's Eve. I've just been discombobulated, for lack of a better word. My spirit has been unsettled...don't know why. I just have this feeling like something huge is going to happen this year.

Have you ever had that feeling? Just knowing that there is something huge that going to happen and there is nothing you can do about it. Now here's the thing....what could it be? A million things have been going through my mind. Is it that I'm going to get pregnant again? Is it that the economic crisis is going to really adversely affect Dave and I? Is it about my book that I'm writing? Or is it something huge is going to happen to America?

Then it hit me....like a brick to the face. [SIDEBAR: I am going to break my rule and start talking about Politics here]. I really think that we are not going to get out of this crisis...things are just going to get worse. I think, no let me change that....I know that something is happening to America. Can't put my finger on it, but something is happening that we are not going to recover from. Whether it be as Daniel-In-The-Den says in his latest blog entry: A New Year Prediction or just the economic crisis reaching even lower. Just something.

It hit me this morning: I was floored when the TODAY show had a Scientologist on the show defending their religion. When someone in the Christian faith could not do so. They would edit it or interrupt them. There have been many times that people of faith have been seen as the crazy ones, the ones who "leave their brains at the doorway" - and we are not allowed to defend ourselves. I'm not saying that I want people to be able to defend themselves on TV - we have the Lord on our side who needs TV's right? I know God works in mysterious ways....its just so sad to see how crazy we have gotten.

Sorry to rant like this but.....everything is totally screwed up.

Power in the Name of Jesus

Jessica was a prideful girl. She always thought she was a great Christian; in fact she led a small group of women in bible study. She was doing just fine. Or so she thought. She would lead one life in church and another outside of church. She was not doing fine at all, she watched what she wanted, wore what she wanted...etc. Never really took the spiritual world as something serious. Don't get me wrong, she was sweet as could be...but greatly misguided.

I have known Jessica for most of my life; she is not a woman to tell tall tales. She is not an exaggerator - well sometimes she is. But all in all, she is a level-headed, extremely logical woman. So when she told me this tale...I believed her whole heartedly.

1Jo 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

It was around 5:30am one morning. Jessica woke up to hear her mother in the kitchen making herself breakfast.

Jessica was sleeping on her side facing the wall, when she felt someone else in the room. She turned her head to see if there was anyone in the room. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw an old woman by her closet. The woman looked like death. She had gray skin that seemed to sparkle in the dim light, as if she was covered in dust. Her eyes were bright - like cats eyes reflecting a light. Her hair was white, but covered in the gray dust that covered her body.

She was just gray all over.

Jessica quickly turned on her back to sit up and scream out when the old lady ran out of her eyesight. Jessica tried to sit up...but she felt a pressure pushing her down. It was as if someone or something was pushing every body part down into the bed. Head, legs, arms, fingers, feet...everything. She felt arms wrap around her whole body, but there was nothing there.

"What the-?" Jessica's mouth clamped shut. She tried to open it but only her lips parted. Her teeth could not, would not separate.

Fear crept into her heart.

Then she heard the old lady talk, almost spitting into Jessica's ear. It was in a different language, but Jessica understood the hate and anger behind the voice.

She was going to die.

"Jesus," Jessica was finally able to mutter.

Yelping, the old lady stopped speaking. "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..." Jessica kept saying the sweet name over and over. As each time the name of Jesus came out, the pressure alleviated.

"Jesus save me." Jessica finally was able to talk. There was no more pressure, there was nothing.

Jessica jumped out of the bed and searched her room. She looked at her bed as she saw the imprint of her body still deeply impressed into the mattress. "Oh my goodness."

Jessica ran downstairs to tell her mother. "Mom, you will never believe what just happened to me." Her body was still shaking as Jessica retold the story to her mother in detail. When she finished she expected her mother to tell her it was just her imagination, or it was a scary dream. To her shock her mother said: "That has happened to me too." She smiled at Jessica; “God has allowed you to witness something that many people will never - so that you can finally know how to pray. Here are some verses that comfort me and I know it will help you to calm down now:

Psa 18:2-6 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I will call upon the LORD, [who is worthy] to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies. The pangs of death surrounded me, And the floods of ungodliness made me afraid. The sorrows of Sheol surrounded me; The snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, And my cry came before Him, [even] to His ears.

"Sweetie, God has shown you this so that you can understand. Understand how to pray. Take this as it is - a blessing. Don't be afraid."

"Thanks Mom." Jessica went upstairs, still shaky - but filled with purpose. God had chosen her to be a witness to this. How many times has she mocked those who went through similar circumstances? What a fool she had been, limiting...well, basically the whole spiritual world. God wanted to use her, and she was finally ready to be used for His purpose.

All hail the power of Jesus' name!

Let angels prostrate fall;

bring forth the royal diadem,

and crown him Lord of all.

Bring forth the royal diadem,

and crown him Lord of all.

My Hero...

To my readers, these two entries were about that day through my eyes. I dedicate this story to my mother who saved someone's life that day. She's my hero.

!!!!!!!!!!! I must warn it gets a little graphic!!!!!!!!!!!


"Where’s Dad?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know," her mother replied. "I tried to call him, but couldn't get through. I waited a little, but decided to walk to the ferry with Mary-Ann." Mary-Ann was her mother's 67yr old co-worker who lived down the street from them. Her mother went upstairs to shower off the dust.

"We gotta keep trying to call Dad," her brother finally broke the silence. He picked up the phone and continued trying.

While they waited for their mother to return, they continued to watch the news stories in disbelief. Jessica kept repeating to herself; "This can't be happening."

Their mother finally came downstairs and sat down with them.

"Ma, what happened?"

Their mother looked at them both with such sadness in her eyes. "I need a minute. Just a minute to stop and regroup."

Jessica watched as her mother put her hands on her face and sobbed so hard her body shook. It scared Jessica how hard her mother cried.

After some time, her mother looked up at them both. "I'm sorry about that. It’s just....the things that I saw..." her mother stopped.

"Mom, tell us what happened." Jessica said foolishly.

"Well, when it all started, we all heard a loud boom. It was so loud and so close we all figured that the Windows Around the World Restaurant had some sort of accident. Our fire & evacuation warden told everyone to get out. I asked her what had happened, all she told me was 'I don't know. All I know is I don't feel safe in here.'

"So I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. I didn't even think to grab my sneakers; I thought we would be back upstairs after a while. I called your father and we told each other just to get home. Thank God we left.

"I walked slowly with Mary-Ann, as she was having difficulty walking due to her breathing problems. We walked down the street to your fathers building and waited." Her mother stopped to wipe her eyes, "I tried calling your father, but only got through once. I left him a message saying I was waiting for him in front of his building. After a few minutes, I looked up at the Towers and saw what looked like clothes falling from the sky. I thought maybe people were getting hot and throwing their clothes out the windows; but as I took a step closer I saw that it was people." Their mother started to cry again, this time her children joined with her. "Oh my God, what must they have been thinking to jump out of a window and take their life...." she trailed off.

After a minute of silence and tears she continued, "I decided to walk to the Staten Island Ferry with Mary-Ann. When we got a couple of blocks away, the second plane hit the other tower. Mary-Ann kept repeating that the building was going to fall on us." Her mother took a breath.

"I kept telling her 'No, they're not going to fall, Mary-Ann. They were built to withstand things like this'. It was the Lord who kept me so calm during that whole time, all I kept thinking was that I did not want her to have a heart attack.

“Mary-Ann was telling me to leave her; she kept saying that she would understand if I ran off without her. But I told her, 'Mary-Ann we are going to get to the Ferry together. There is no way I am going to leave you here alone. Now let’s keep walking.' As soon as I said that there was a loud noise, like an airplane engine right next to us.

"I turned around to see this huge plume of smoke coming straight at us. I told Mary-Ann to cover her face completely with her sweater; I grabbed her arm and we kept walking. I covered my mouth and nose to keep the smoke out. It was so thick I could not see anything in front of me except this pair of black pants. And I followed those pants until we got to Battery Park." she stopped and looked at both her children.

"That was definitely the Lord guiding us, as I could not see a thing. Literally all I saw was a pair of black pants. Once we got to Battery Park, I wanted to thank the person and tell them we were following them, but I could not find anyone wearing those pants. It was as if they disappeared. God was really with us that day." Her mom sat back on the couch, watching her children as if she had never seen them before.

Xavier and Jessica looked at each other in disbelief and in unison said; "I can't believe this is happening."

They all hugged and said a prayer for their father.

At 2:00pm they received an odd phone call.

Xavier answered the phone, "Dad?"

"No, it’s your cousin Tati. Can I talk to your mom?"

Xavier handed the phone to their mother and gave a look of confusion to Jessica. "Who’s Tati?"

"Oh, that’s Dad cousin. I thought she lived in Puerto Rico, how did she get through?" Jessica asked.

As their mom got off the phone, she gave a small smile to them, "That was your dad's cousin Tati. She said that she talked to Dad. He's okay. He's in New Jersey walking home."

"How did he get into New Jersey?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know, but I'm guessing he's going to have an interesting story."

They continued to watch TV and wait for news from their father. Around 5:30pm, Jessica got a call from their father. "Dad, is that you?"

"Hi, tell your mother to meet me at the Bayonne Bridge. They’re not letting any cars over, so I will be walking across. She needs to leave now, I'm about to walk across now." her dad instructed. Jessica relayed all this news to her mother who ran out the door.

An hour later their father was home changed, hugging his children and retelling his story.

"Well, as soon as I got off the phone with your mother I went down stairs with my boss Katherine. I waited several minutes and tried calling mom’s cell phone." They figured out that her mother and father just missed each other by minutes.

He continued, "After a few minutes of no answer, I figured mom started to walk toward the ferry. I decided to take the Ferry to New Jersey with Katherine as she lived in New Jersey and could give me a ride. As we walked toward the ferry, we turned a corner, and heard the towers collapse. I froze as I heard the noise that sounded like an airplane engine right over head; and I said to myself 'How could I leave without her?' Please forgive me for leaving without you," he asked her mother tenderly.

"No, don't worry. It's okay. We were all confused." her mother took his hand in hers.

Her father continued, "Well, I wanted to go back to look for you, but Katherine said it would be impossible, dangerous and that we should keep on going. When we finally got to the Ferry, we met up with 2 other people. A father and daughter from Staten Island. We ended up travelling with them the entire time. We got on the last ferry out of New York. When we got to New Jersey, Katherine's husband was there to pick us up. He drove us as far as Hoboken, there the man, his daughter and I walked to Jersey City where they had parked their car. As we were walking I got a call from Tati, screaming and crying asking me if I was okay. I told her I was and had her call you guys. Did she?" Her dad asked.

"Yeah she did. I was confused, I thought she got the wrong number," Xavier said.

They laughed for the first time that day. Her dad continued, "When we arrived at the Bayonne Bridge we were kept from driving across, as they didn't know if anymore attacks were coming. After waiting a bit, the guard agreed to let us walk across the bridge. And now, I'm finally home. Thank you Lord for protecting us all."

God worked mighty miracles that day.

Jessica's friend from college worked on the 96th floor of one of the towers in one of the investment firms there. Her friend was never late to work; that morning she woke up an hour late. As she arrived in New York, the first Tower was hit.

A co-worker of Jessica told the story of how her father, who never called out of work a day in his life, called out sick that morning.

Jessica's uncle was a Police Officer in New York. He was late to work that morning as well. If he had gone into work on time, he would have been one of the first responders on scene.

A woman was trapped in the collapsed building underneath so much rubble. She was barely alive when she heard someone calling out for survivors. When she responded, a hand came through a small opening. He said his name was Ralph, and that he would hold her hand until they got her out of there. She explained that if that hand wasn't there...she would probably have given up and died. But she fought to stay awake, to meet her rescuer, her new found friend. But when she got out, there was no Ralph there. Actually there was no Ralph in that team who rescued her. They told her, no one was holding her hand at all.

God saved many people that day, and worked many miracles throughout that day.

I wrote this as a reminder for everyone. Please remember to tell those you love, how you feel about them. Don’t go to bed angry, you don’t know the future.

Be kind to those around you. Never forget.

Psa 20:7 Some [trust] in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

Peace and Faith

The terrible tragedy that occurred on September 11th, 2001 will haunt many Americans for the remainder of their lives. It will definitely haunt Jessica. You see, she almost lost both her parents that day. Please allow me to tell you this story of faith and peace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jessica grew up in Staten Island, New York. She was about to turn 21 in September, and things were definitely going her way. She was happy. She had great friends, a great family and was doing well in college. She had just started a new job at the local bank. It was challenging her faith...but by God’s grace, she was working through it all.

Both her parents worked in downtown Manhattan...right across the street from the Twin Towers. In fact each morning, as a short cut, they travelled through the towers to get to their jobs from the bus station.

Lastly, her younger brother was in high school. They all lived busy, happy lives.

The morning of September 11th was like every other morning. In fact, Jessica marveled at how beautiful that morning was. It was a beautiful day. The temperature was just right; there was not a cloud in the sky. It was picturesque.

She got ready at her normal pace, but for some reason did not listen to any of the news stations.

One thing she found odd was that she could not stop praying for protection over her parents that morning. She never stopped praying for them.

Arriving at her job, the bank’s assistant manager let her in. Jessica looked around to see a bunch of strange people standing around.

"What’s going on?" Jessica asked.

"We are being audited," was the answer.

Jessica walked to the teller area, got her cash box and sat down. One of her co-workers was crying, demanding to be sent home. "You should send us home. This is not right. We could end up dying here."

Jessica laughed and thought to herself "That girl is so dramatic." She turned to ask another co-worker what was happening.

"A plane crashed into a building and she’s saying we’re all going to die here."

"Oh wow..." Jessica turned back to watch the auditor and pray for those hurt in the crash. She thought they were talking about a building in Utah. She never would have thought it was in New York.
"There is another plane missing, they think it’s going to the White House," the district manager ran to the back to update them.

As the manager went back to his office, everyone cried out in shock. Jessica was finding it hard to absorb.

"What building did they hit the first time?" Jessica asked out loud.

"One of the Twin Towers," replied the auditor. Shocked, Jessica said a quick prayer for her parents.

"Oh my God, they hit the other tower!" someone yelled from the manager’s office. Jessica started to get fidgety. She wanted to call her mom and dad just to hear their voice.

"They hit the Pentagon," came yet another cry from the manager’s office. "Oh my God..." The district manager came back, "One of the Twin Towers just fell."

"I got to go..." Jessica could hear no more. "I need to call my parents to make sure they are okay," she explained to the auditor.

She ran downstairs to call her mom. At 9:15am she reached the phone to call her mother. The phone kept ringing. "God please let them be okay. God, don't take them away from me." She said aloud over and over. The fear started to grab at her heart.

She hung up and tried her father and could not get through. She kept trying both parents’ cell phones, but could not get a line out. The thought of raising her brother after this crept into her mind.

She slammed the phone down and screamed out "GOD PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!" Her heart hurt so much, she thought it would break. She leaned against the wall, sobbing clutching the phone. “My brother. I need to get to Xavier.”

Jessica ran upstairs and spoke with the manager. "I need to get my brother, my parents are missing - they worked across from the Towers" she explained. She felt herself calming down, though the tears never stopped.

"Oh my God, go ahead go. Do you want someone to drive you?"

"No, I need to go now. I'm fine." Her red eyes said otherwise, but they let her go.

She was delirious with grief and fear. Her heart literally hurt at the thought of losing both her parents. “GOD DON’T DO THIS TO ME!”

She arrived home and ran upstairs to change. "Okay, I need to calm down. Xavier cannot see me like this. God give me grace. God please don't leave us alone. Please protect my parents."
The phone rang. "Mom, Dad?"

It was her grandma; "Jessica it’s me. I can't get a hold of your father." she said crying uncontrollably.

She had never heard her Grandmother cry before. "Grandma, have faith. Trust in God. Look in your heart; do you believe that Dad is still alive?"

"Yes," she replied quietly.

"Then pray Grandma, pray for his quick and safe return home."

"Thank you, Jessica. I will."

"I'm going to hang up right now, because I got to get Xavier. I want him to hear what’s happening from me."

"Okay, call me if you hear from your father."

"I promise Grandma, I promise. Let’s have faith together, he's okay. They are both okay." She hung up the phone and went to get her brother.

There were a lot of parents at the door to the school trying to get their kids. "I don't want my kids to die here." "Yeah, what if they attack the schools. Give us our kids!" They were letting no one in the doors.

Jessica went up to the security guard, "Please I came to get my brother. Both our parents are missing. I need to bring him home." The security guard brought her into the main office, where there were more parents demanding their kids be released.

The security guard went behind the desk to talk to one of the secretaries. "She's going to help you okay?" "Thank you so much"

After 20 minutes they were able to find her brother in the lunchroom, he was about to walk out the door. "Xavier, we need to go home." Jessica said firmly. "I know."

The fear in her baby brothers eyes, matched the fear in hers. As they walked out the door, the secretary tried to get them to talk about it. "Thank you so much for helping us, but we need to get home just in case they try to call us."

It felt like three years had passed by, but it was only 10am as they drove home. But she was no longer alone, she had her brother. "You know what?" she said to her brother, "I have this peace about me, like I know they are okay." Xavier stayed silent and said, "Yeah, me too. God knows we couldn’t handle living without them.”

They got home and waited in the living room for something...anything. 12:30pm rolled about and there was a jingling in the doorway. Someone was coming home.

Jessica ran to open the door to see the most beautiful site she had ever seen. Her mother covered head to toe in soot. "MOM!"

Jessica and Xavier quickly grabbed their mother in a bear hug. Her mother hugged her kids back but said, "Could you wait until I get these dirty clothes off?" They all laughed. "Where's Dad?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know." She replied.

More to come tomorrow.

What is Happening People?

I decided to make this into a series. There is a lot happening in our world that should be addressed!

Teens and Sex

Last week in church, I was talking with a teenage girl and her mother. And all the teen talked about was having a boyfriend; how she wanted one but only the ugly guys want to go out with her; how she thinks its because she's so tall that boys don't ask her out. Oh by the way...she's only 14. She is 14 years old worrying about boys. I tried talking some sense into her, but she wouldn't listen. Her mother didn't stop me...but she wasn't agreeing with me either. What is up people?!

Putting aside the fact that she is 14 yrs old, I firmly believe that girls (or really any female at any age) should enjoy their youth, then later they can think about having a relationship with the opposite sex. I spent much of my teenage years and the beginning of my adult years worrying about boys. Was I pretty enough, Was I funny enough, Was I smart enough? And when I was rejected (or just didn't have a special guy), I would put myself down. Then, when I finally "had" a boyfriend, I changed myself to be the girl that he wanted.

I didn't get to live at all. My relationship with the Lord suffered so greatly. I mean look at that last paragraph...it just wasn't me!

Finally, God gave me that "smack upside the head"...He opened my eyes. I can't say exactly what happened, but my eyes were opened...and I became sad. I was sad because, I didn't let myself live. I didn't get to experience all the great things someone at that age does - because some dumb boy hurt my feelings...or I was acting like someone else. I don't want that to happen to anyone else.

What we need to do is talk to our kids. We need to stop ignoring the problem...and get down to it! I live in Maryland and heard the other day...that a 10yr old girl just found out she was pregnant. People this problem is not going to go away - it's only going to get worse! Be honest with your kids! If you are...please let me give you a round of applause! But if you are not...if you think your kids are old enough or they know better - please, please, please talk to your kids now.

Once you start talking...you will be surprised at what happens. They are will start talking back. Teenagers are a handful (boy is that ever an understatement); I know sometimes you just want to walk away and let them make their own mistakes. Please don't.

Please remember that if your kid is acting out...it's because they need some attention.

Luke 23:28 But Jesus turning unto them said, Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children.

Being a Worry wart...

Goodness gracious am I ever the worry wart. I have a bad tendency to worry about a lot of things...not everything mind you - but too much none-the-less. This is a huge battle for me - it's something I have been working on since I was...well, able to drive. Worrying. Doubting. Fear of the Unknown.

There is not one person in this world who can say: "Nope, I don't have that problem. I don't worry about anything. My life is grand!" Seriously people, can't you hear yourself? That's a load of garbage! If you are over the age of 10...you worry - it may not be a lot but you do.

There are SO many things that are out of our control, so many things that can go wrong...how can you not worry? You worry that your dinner is going to be less than par for your in-laws; or that you wont be passing that last final exam so you can graduate; or you worry that you will get the bus late and miss your doctors appointment; or not worrying that you wont be able to pay the rent/mortgage. You see? There is always something out of your control, and therefore there will be always something to worry about.

I say this because...you are not alone. I am right there with ya!...unfortunately we all are in some way shape or form.

Matthew 6:25 - 31 says: "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, [will He] not much more [clothe] you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day [is] its own trouble." (NKJV)

This is a perfect answer to the problem of worry. Its Gods promise, that He will never leave you or forsake you - that He is always there for you. If the birds in the air have something to eat...how much more will you have? If the lilies of the field are adorned so beautifully, how much more beautiful will you be, being a child of God?

Take this time right now to look back at your life. Go through each little detail and you will see God providing for you...even in the smallest ways. Remember that day you were starving and had no money to buy food...and all of a sudden you find a $20 bill in your pocket? I have personally seen God work mighty miracles in my life just like that...God is awesome isn't He?

Wait...what is that you ask me? "I have memorized that verse and still I worry about everything!" Not a problem, again we are all human. But I will respond to that statement by saying:

Phil 4: 6-7 says: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

These verses are a help-mate, if you will, to Matthew 6:25-31. It continues to say that you should give God everything...all your requests, all your worries. Pray, seek Him out. Ask God why, go ahead I dare ya - cause He will answer you. Tell Him your scared, tell Him you can't take it anymore. Tell Him everything. What He wants is for your to get to the point of: "I can't take this anymore Lord! What should I do?" Then and only then are you ready to stop.

Phil 4:8 - Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things [are] noble, whatever things [are] just, whatever things [are] pure, whatever things [are] lovely, whatever things [are] of good report, if [there is] any virtue and if [there is] anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.

Get ready to stop.

I went to Word Of Life Bible Institute several years ago, and in one of my classes I was taught by a man name Phil Moser (awesome teacher!). He said to memorize this verse and every time you started to worry (or have problems with your thought life), concentrate on these words! These 8 words are the basis of right thinking. He came up with the awesome idea to put these 8 words on a stop sign and memorize them! Post them up in your room (or wherever) and that way you can memorize easier by seeing them constantly. Here is an example:

During this scary time, I can not imagine anyone who is not worrying. I hope this helps you, as it helps me everyday. God Bless!

My Prayer Life

Last night, I read through my old journal from 2001. I lived in New York, still at home. It was interesting to read. But one thing shocked me, I saw how I used to pray. It made me a little ashamed. My sweet husband tried to console me, telling me that in my past I was still searching for answers and that's why I prayed like that. But it didn't make me feel better. I mean, he's right though. The things that I wrote in there shocked me at how misguided I was...but does that excuse my loss of fervency in my prayer?

My prayer life now actually has been slacking - I'm changing that. But this makes me think. Have I lost that fire in me? Or has it changed? I mean I still have the fire for ministry, and I pray (just not as much as I should)...but is that enough?

What is Happening People??

Like a fellow blogger, Pamela said on Flack Me earlier: "Please someone tell me–how many more days until the election? SIGH." This campaign is getting really strange, and to a point...scary - people are getting "verbally violent". Pamela was right; America is not as far evolved as we would like to think. I was watching the news on Friday, and could not believe me ears as I heard people scream out that Obama is a..."terrorist" or "bomb Obama". WHAT??!!

Then I figured out what the problem is (besides the definite racial issues): McCain. Like everyone in the good ole US of A, last Tuesday I was watching the Presidential debate. What I saw, put everything into perspective. It took me some time to find this clip, but here is a perfect example of the nature of the old U.S.A.






I know that recently, McCain has tried to calm down the attacks on Obama, by stating during a rally that "he indeed respected Senator Obama, and thought of him as a decent man…a family man, and that there was no need for anyone to fear him if he were to be elected president." But I think the damage has been done.

Why I Believe In Christ as My Lord and Saviour

I grew up in a Christian family. Went to church every Sunday; went to youth group on Fridays...and so on. But I didn't believe. I just went and did those things because Mom and Dad told me to. But I hated going. I was an Agnostic (DEFINITION: one who neither believes nor disbelieves in God; one who believes that there is not enough evidence either way.)

Then I entered into High School. In my Freshman year of high school, I had a tumor growing on my ovaries. The surgery caused me to miss school for one semester (about 3-4 months) - being tutored at home. Then in my Sophmore year, I sprained both my ankles (at the same time). I sprained them so bad that, I had to use a wheelchair in school for about a month. I hated it, I was humiliated because most of my "friends" thought I was faking it. I was also sexually assaulted in school. He told everyone in school that I asked for it - even after we pressed charges. In my Junior year, I developed sciatica. I had to walk with a cane for about 90% of the time that year. I missed about a month of school (sporadically), I lost all the people I called friends then. No one talked to me, I was all alone. I was depressed and all alone. I wanted to die.

During my junior year, as I was contemplating suicide, I finally realized that God was trying to get my attention. He allowed all those things happen to me, because He loved me and wanted me to learn about Him. I finally became a Christian at the age of 16. My Senior year, nothing happened.

The summer after senior year, I went on a missions trip to Portugal. That changed my life even more, I saw those people living in such filth! Yet, they found peace and strength in Christ. It strengthened my faith even more.

I believe in Christ, because He saved me so many times. Yes, a lot of things happened - but He didn't let me die.

Everything is Going To Be Fine

This morning my husband and I woke up to find out that we don't have enough money to pay our rent next week. As I am sure a lot of people are realizing that too - unfortunately. But I have felt such a peace that God will provide, somehow some way we will get the money.

My blessed ever so wonderful husband - who is a worrier - is not feeling the same. So we've just been praying. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to earn extra money - to do something. I have been online all day trying to sign up for stuff to try and earn money. I signed up for Twitter Moms and its great! I am not a mom yet, but I signed up for it anyway.

This wonderful woman by the name of Bonnie Mechelle, Christian WeiGht LOss COaCh left me this beautiful poem. It truly blessed me because everything will be just fine!

You can listen to the poem here.

God will provide that money! I have faith and believe! We commit our money to you Lord! Thanks be to my heavenly Father!

JEHOVAH JIREH, MY PROVIDER
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME
FOR ME, FOR ME!
JEHOVAH JIREH, MY PROVIDER
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME

MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS
ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY
HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS
CHARGE OVER ME

JEHOVAH JIREH CARES FOR ME
FOR ME, FOR ME!J
JEHOVAH JIREH CARES FOR ME

Happy Friday!!

Well, today Dave and I started talking about having kids again. I'm so unsure about whether we should start trying again! I really dont know. Dave neither actually. He made a good point - we just need to pray about it.

I'm kinda scared actually. I don't want to go through that all over again - getting pregnant to lose my baby. That was the worst thing I ever had to go through. I know we can't let this get to us...to me really. I know it's all about trusting God....but I just don't want to deal with this again. My friend has six kids and is expecting her seventh (God bless her)....but she has had 2 miscarriages. I don't know it was her first and sixth pregnancies.

I know that they say it's highly unlikely if you have a miscarriage once, you will have another (or something like that)...but what if I'm like Michelle? What if I'm the type that can't have kids?

God help me if I can't have kids!

Oh yea...

So, now that I got my period...my husband wants to start trying to have kids again. I don't know if thats a good idea. I have such doubts!

I mean, what about this economy? Dave and I have some debt over our head...shouldnt we wait to get rid of it until we start? Also, I am overweight, what if I had the miscarriage because of my weight issues? I mean, I am losing weight right now, but what if that's not enough?

Oh here's the best part! My dad told David that we should not have kids yet - because we don't have enough money or something like that. My dad has said some stupid things but that just takes the cake. I know that he means well, but dang! God bless him, that's all I can say.

I just don't know. What am I supposed to do? Dave is supportive, but he wants to talk about it. I don't think I am emotionally ready for that just yet too.

Actually I think that's the biggest thing. I don't think I could handle being pregnant again. I know that I shouldnt freak out about it. I know that lots of women have had miscarriages and have kids after. Its just...I don't know.

Life Now...

So now life is going on as normal as possible; but not really. I took a recent picture of my husband, and it seems as if he aged 20 years within the past month. Things are so different. I still blame the miscarriage on myself. Dave doesn't, but I can't help feel like its my fault.

I still am a little chunky from the pregnancy, so my self esteem is suffering. Greatly suffering. My husband has never been the romantic kind, I love him to death and I know he loves me...but he sooo sucks at that!!

So, work is going sorta well. I am a blog manager at Talent Zoo, I work on their family of blogs called OffSet Media. I am now paid per blog entry, it makes it a little more stressful...but I like writing. So far everything has been fine. The CEO and CFO told me that they are working on stuff to give me, so that I can earn more money. I am supposed to start that tomorrow.

God help us.

Dave freaks out about money so much. I keep trying to encourage him, but its like he's not listening! I keep trying to point him toward the bible, but I don't know whats happening with him. God please work in our lives! Dave told me today, that he wished he had the faith I do. I told him: "You can, you just have to believe."

I gotta keep praying for him. Then again, my father has been that same way since I was born. Then again, you never know! People can change.

Oh yea, Dave wants to go see his family for Thanksgiving. His family in Georgia. They are already having problems because we are not sleeping over. Dude, I don't mean to sound snobby - but they want us to sleep on the floor on an air mattress. Not even to mention my horrible back, but Dave has a horrible back and demands to do all the driving. So we are going to stay at a nearby Hotel.

We want to get there Wednesday morning (leaving Tuesday night) - and spend the day sight-seeing in Atlanta. Then we want to leave early Friday morning. His family hates me. That's the problem. No, hate is a strong word and its not the whole family. His mother does not like me. She is so mean to me. Her little snide comments go over Dave's head...but UGH!

She treats Dave's sister-in-law that way too. Dave's brother and her have been married for 5 years, and they have a 3 year old child together. That baby has not really spent time with Dave's mom. Its her fault!

Ok, well I have vented enough for the day. I need to go pray.

ALWAYS LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.

The Importance of Color

Daily, I am amazed at how important color can be to some people. Where I might see that the color should be Blue, others (clients, friends, family – whoever), see Red – and then blame you for the color problem :o). Now, if this is a client then – obviously – they are right. But what if I see no color? What if all they see is color…and have a problem with that…what do you do?

During this election, I have been flabbergasted by the violent outcry of people against Obama. I cannot remain silent any longer; America is not as far evolved as we would like to think. Now, I am not trying to sound pro- anyone…I am merely making a point. I read on CNN.com, that people are actually expressing their decision to not vote for Obama merely because of his skin color. Gerry McEntee is the President of the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees. He is also a leader in the AFL-CIO’s 2008 election program. He spoke recently, at a labor rally in Ohio, of his frustration about the refusal, of some white union members to support Obama.

"When it gets real bad, and they never -- with this one -- look you in the eye, 'Well, I can't vote for him,' " McEntee told the diverse union audience. "This doesn't even come out in code -- it comes out like this: 'I can't vote for him because he is a black man. He's not one of us.' Well, sisters and brothers, when you hear that, you know what you ought to say? This is what I say: 'That is bull----! That is total, absolute bull----!' "

In my other blog, I stipulate that McCain has a lot to do with this foolishness. I don’t mean to imply that he is the main cause; I mean to say that he is not helping things at all. He is truly the perfect example of what America used to be. He recently said in a rally that “he indeed respected Senator Obama, and thought of him as a decent man…a family man, and that there was no need for anyone to fear him if he were to be elected president.” But I think the damage has been done.

I received a comment on that blog entry in which the person implied that if the shoe was on the other foot, the liberals would be screaming that the world would come to an end or “how gay people are going to be locked up”. You know what? I agree with her to a point. I doubt the liberals would be screaming “Cane McCain to Death!” or something else too violent to think about. Then again… :o)

Come on people. What is the deal? How can color be so important?? Here are some awesojme words from dc Talk, that I think we need to start listening to:

Pardon me, your epidermis is showing, sir
I couldn't help but note your shade of melanin
I tip my hat to the colorful arrangement
Cause I see the beauty in the tones of our skin

We've gotta come together
And thank the Maker of us all

CHORUS:
We're colored people, and we live in a tainted place
We're colored people, and they call us the human race
We've got a history so full of mistakes
And we are colored people who depend on a Holy Grace
A piece of canvas is only the beginning for
It takes on character with every loving stroke
This thing of beauty is the passion of an Artist's heart
By God's design, we are a skin kaleidoscope

We've gotta come together,
Aren't we all human after all?

Ignorance has wronged some races
And vengeance is the Lord's
If we aspire to share this space
Repentance is the cure

Well, just a day in the shoes of a color blind man
Should make it easy for you to see
That these diverse tones do more than cover our bones
As a part of our anatomy.....

Why??

So this past weekend was interesting. I have been feeling a little bit large....yea I know "Duh, you're pregnant!". But still, as a woman who has always struggled with her weight...this is hard. Anyways, this past weekend we saw Dave's parents. Hmmmmm, well its the first time we have seen them since finding out...and the first words out of her mouth is "Jessica, you look pregnant!". Oh yeah that made me feel reeeeaaaaallll good. Yea, she's a real joy.

So, I am showing a little. Not really though, it just looks like I'm gaining weight. I feel like I am like a thousand pounds. Not cool! But like my wonderful husband keeps reminding me: "You're having a baby!".

It STILL doesn't feel like I am pregnant! The only symptoms I have is a bigger belly. and bigger knockers. Maybe I am farther along than I think. According to the book, the symptoms I have makes me seem I am farther along. Dave swears that I am farther along. At one point, he swore I was 6 months along. Forget the fact that we only started trying 2 months ago, and my last period...thats a little too gross even for me.

But, you know what? I can't help but think...am I having twins? There are a couple of reasons, I tested pregnant a little early and I can not stop eating! I am soooo hungry! But then again, that could just be nothing. Who knows...

Been A While...

Its been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened since then. I found out that I am pregnant! Its our first child and I am so freaked out! According to my last menstrual period (LMP), I am about 7 or 8 wks. We made an appointment for our first OBGYN appt., not until october though. I think I may be farther along than that though.

I have been very crampy, and sick! I feel like this is never gonna end! I have my morning sickness at night, which is good cause I can sleep it off.

Dave has a sinking feeling that we are going to have twins. I don't know...all I really care about is keeping our baby healthy. I have a thyroid condition, so it's very important I keep track of that. They told me that I have to keep on top of my condition, if not I can have a miscarriage at any point during the pregnancy. Its got me a little worried. But I know God is in control.

I still have doubts that I am pregnant. I don't feel pregnant at all! With the exception of my aching boobs, nausea, extremely late period and 3 positive pregnancy tests. LOL. I can't wait until that doctor's appointment, so then we can hear the baby's heartbeat...and finally get those fears out of my mind!

Say the Words: I Love You

I have lived in New York City my entire life (well the majority of my life). I thought that I had it all! I never would have imagined living anywhere else. Now I live in Maryland. What events brought me here? 9/11.

I lived in New York (well Staten Island) up until 2006. But, 9/11 really changed it all. Before then Manhattan was a busy place that had this essence, that just made you want to be there. I have to admit that once I turned 18, all I wanted to do was get a job in Manhattan for the simple fact that it was New York City! The smell, the feel, the idea that New York brought was.......well, there are no words. I mean there is nothing in this world that beats New York City in the fall. It just has this wonderful crisp smell to it.....well at least outside of the subways :o). There was also this feeling about living in Manhattan during the fall, it was crisp; upbeat; fast paced....just plain THRILLING. [Sidebar: I hate Spring and Summer so we just wont talk about those seasons and smells that came along with them...if ya know what I mean] New York City in the winter......almost inexplicable! Same crisp feeling as fall, but better because New York City knows how to do Christmas! Christmas in New York is something that everyone, and I mean everyone, needs to experience. It's absolutely beautiful. And to this day, I will always visit because that is apart of me. New York City never leaves you.......whatever your experience is. It truly is a memorable place. Boy do I love New York.

But then, that day happened. And as everyone knows it effected everyone. I lost two friends that day, could have lost my parents (if they weren't early to work.....). That changed everything for me. I was Pre-Med at a local Staten Island college. I was going places. Then when that day happened, I couldn't bare to say goodbye to my parents as they went to work everyday. I had to say I love you to those I loved, as they were leaving the house (even if they were going to the corner deli) - I still do that to this day. But all Americans went about their lives. Almost seeming to forget about it. But those of us who lived in the 5 suburbs of New York City never really forgot. It was everywhere......signs on cars stating who they lost that day, people you met everyday, American flags everywhere (literally on anything in some cases).

But, it was livable. Then....oh, then started the harassing of anyone who even remotely seemed Arab. I went to pump gas at a station that was run by an Indian man. He was so nice and sweet (well to me at least), but on this day he had this look on his face. It was a heart wrenching look, it seemed as though someone just ripped his heart out and stomped on it over and over. And during that time (the 2 years following the attacks), it was not abnormal to see that look on people's faces. But not this time, no at this time there were these two idiots who had parked their car in the station's parking lot and were hurling insults and threats at him. Telling him, that "we don't want your kind here; go back home Ahmed!" Stupid things like that. I just wanted to run over and give those knuckleheads a slap in the face. All I wanted to yell was HELLO!!! HE'S A HUMAN BEING!!! Now, who knows he may have been.......I don't know, but what I do know is that no one, NO ONE should be humiliated like that. Unless, they are horrible..........no, that's topic for another blog. That was the only viewing of hate that I saw, but I knew it was there. Everyone did.

You could "go on", but not really.....you see in every public transportation area, in Manhattan, was always filled with some sort of army presence. On the Staten Island ferry, there was National Guards with machine guns taking the boat ride with you. There would be times when there would be a National Guard boat travelling along side the ferry. They would be looking at every olive skinned person with suspicion, with distaste even (just being observational not saying that its true). I remember one time going home on the Staten Island ferry during the dead of summer, and there was this man on the ferry with this huge, thick parka. The fear that shot through me, oh I will never forget it. Turns out that the man was just an insane homeless person, but still it's not a place I would live in anymore. I want to be able to live without the thought: I wonder if my husband was coming home today alive or not. Wondering if my kids would be able to play outside. I didn't want to wake up one morning to have the threat level raised (again) and travel to work with National Guards and their machine guns.

I moved to Maryland and I don't have as many fears. In fact, I don't have any....okay maybe a couple but that's only my husband has a tendency to drive a little crazy. People here are so laid back, I don't think I will ever get used to that. [Sidebar: I am not delusional, I know I have to be cautious everywhere, but I don't have the same intense in-your-face-worries as New Yorkers, and if you hadn't guess yet...I am a huge worrier - it's getting better but...]

But the only problem I have living outside of New York City is that people just seemed to say: "9/11...what's that? That happened long ago, you really should get over that." And you know what? They are right, we do have to move on. But we should never forget.


Never Forget 9/11.