Losing Someone

We lost the baby. My heart hurts so much! I feel like its all my fault. I know that its not, but still...........

God, Help me!

Morning Sickness

Why do they call it Morning Sickness.....when you get it all day? I bet it was a man who came up with that term...lol. Pardon me while I go ralph...

Why??

So this past weekend was interesting. I have been feeling a little bit large....yea I know "Duh, you're pregnant!". But still, as a woman who has always struggled with her weight...this is hard. Anyways, this past weekend we saw Dave's parents. Hmmmmm, well its the first time we have seen them since finding out...and the first words out of her mouth is "Jessica, you look pregnant!". Oh yeah that made me feel reeeeaaaaallll good. Yea, she's a real joy.

So, I am showing a little. Not really though, it just looks like I'm gaining weight. I feel like I am like a thousand pounds. Not cool! But like my wonderful husband keeps reminding me: "You're having a baby!".

It STILL doesn't feel like I am pregnant! The only symptoms I have is a bigger belly. and bigger knockers. Maybe I am farther along than I think. According to the book, the symptoms I have makes me seem I am farther along. Dave swears that I am farther along. At one point, he swore I was 6 months along. Forget the fact that we only started trying 2 months ago, and my last period...thats a little too gross even for me.

But, you know what? I can't help but think...am I having twins? There are a couple of reasons, I tested pregnant a little early and I can not stop eating! I am soooo hungry! But then again, that could just be nothing. Who knows...

Been A While...

Its been a while since I last posted. A lot has happened since then. I found out that I am pregnant! Its our first child and I am so freaked out! According to my last menstrual period (LMP), I am about 7 or 8 wks. We made an appointment for our first OBGYN appt., not until october though. I think I may be farther along than that though.

I have been very crampy, and sick! I feel like this is never gonna end! I have my morning sickness at night, which is good cause I can sleep it off.

Dave has a sinking feeling that we are going to have twins. I don't know...all I really care about is keeping our baby healthy. I have a thyroid condition, so it's very important I keep track of that. They told me that I have to keep on top of my condition, if not I can have a miscarriage at any point during the pregnancy. Its got me a little worried. But I know God is in control.

I still have doubts that I am pregnant. I don't feel pregnant at all! With the exception of my aching boobs, nausea, extremely late period and 3 positive pregnancy tests. LOL. I can't wait until that doctor's appointment, so then we can hear the baby's heartbeat...and finally get those fears out of my mind!

Batman Midnight Showing.....

Ok, so I have been a die hard (or so I thought) fan of Batman. Back when I was younger, the original Batman movies never sat well with me. I am talking about the ones with Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer and Gerorge Clooney.

They made Batman seem like a joke, comical. I would leave the theater dismayed after watching one of their movies. But then came along Chris Nolan and Christian Bale [Sidebar: Oh, how much I love Christian Bale!! I will watch him in anything!! He is such a great actor!!! Next is the Terminator SALVATION movie]. Oh, how they have restored my faith in Batman and movies again!

So last night(or really this morning), Dave and I went to see The Dark Night movie. It was so awesome! Words can not describe......except to say it has to be seen! It was actually my first midnight showing ever! I was a little aprehensive about it. I was wondering if we were gonna be the only people in the theater. Then I started wondering what people would be in the theater with us......so much was going through my mind. I had no idea what to expect.

So, Dave and I got to the movie theater about 9:15pm to get our tickets. We saw that there was a couple of people in line already. Dave and I started to make fun of them, but then the ticket guy told us that they had broken some sort of record with the number of tickets they sold. They were expecting almost 2000 people for the first showing. They had 11 theaters set aside for the movie, and had already sold out of 6 by the time we picked up our tickets.

We live in a small town (again, or so I thought), so we figured if we got there around 11pm for the show, we would be fine. This guy was telling us basically we should come in early, so we did. We were able to sit in our seats @ 9:30pm. Dave was so happy that we were able to get the two seaters, but I was grumpy because we had to sit there for 2.5hrs to wait for the movie.

Thankfully it went by fast. Reason being are because of the fans that came in after us. There was this group of about 20 college age kids that came in around 10pm. The first thought that came to my mind was "Great! These knuckleheads are gonna make such a rukus, and ruin this movie for us." About 5 or 6 of them were dressed up as the Joker....and I mean all out dressed up....make up and everything! Then there was this kid with them, oh such a geek, so cute. He was dressed up as Batman. Old School Batman (think Adam West)! It was so cute...yet not really. He had the tights and everything! His special-ness was all out there for everyone to see. They were the true die hard fans.....one could argue.

But I do have to say that they were good movie goers. They were respectful to the movie (and others)! Yes, I am shocked....college kids usually ruin movies for me. But is was great! Maybe one or two cheers....but I have to say I was joining in with them [Sidebar: If you don't cheer at that same part....then you are not a true Batman fan]

All in all a very good time. Again, it was my first ever midnight showing, and I loved it. Will definitely hafta do it again!

GO SEE BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life........

So, this is life in a recession. Where, no one can buy anything, and prices are going through the roof! I know my profile picture has a black and white picture......but that is actually a picture of my Grandmother. This is an updated picture of me and my honey.

During the last recession, I was only 2 or 3. This sucks! I lost my job last month due to "business being slow"...yeah that's code for "Your work is better than mine, so I am going to let you go". Which, quite honestly is the truth in this case. I was doing more work than my manager, and suggesting to her ways to better the business. Yeah, stupid me. But hey I learned, and shortly thereafter, I got a job with Talent Zoo. THANK GOD!!! So, now allegedly me and my honey are supposed to be saving money by me working at home? Right?

WRONG!!! With gas prices going up.........the prices of everything else is going up too! Maybe I should have paid more attention in Economics at school. This sucks greatly!! We (like most Americans today) are in debt to our credit card company. So my parents have suggested moving in with them until we can get rid of that debt. Its such a tempting offer, but dang! I don't want to move back home!

God knows what "fun" I had at home, and I ain't looking to get back in that again. But, I do hafta admit that my parents stated we would take over the basement as our "apartment", but I don't know! I know its a situation that is too good to be true. It's definitely a train wreck waiting to happen. Dave is on the fence about it too.

WHAT TO DO??!! I mean do we move in with them or do we move into a smaller apartment that is cheaper? We live in a three bedroom apartment. Should we just moved into a 2 bedroom? How much less can we go? All I want to do is be able to live on my own.......but should I just swallow up my pride?

Redeeming Post....

Okay, so because of my last post, I feel like I need to have a redeeming post. Need people to see that I am not only about the job.

Speaking of not being only about the job; I wonder how people (who are all about the job) do it. How can they have a fulfilling life? How can they have any life? I am a Blog Manager for Talent Zoo, and I get emails from all hours of the night from people. It makes me sad. I used to be all about my job. I used to be a Reports Analyst for a company called Carey International. Loved the job, I mean I was all about the job! Would get to work at 7:30am and wouldn't leave until about 5:30 or 6pm. My boss loved me, I was always there for her, got her lunch, ran her errands. I was basically a personal assistant and definitely not being paid for it. But I never complained, I did it because I felt bad for her (no one liked her); and I wanted to learn from her as well (of course).

But, then, my husband started to work overnight, and I never saw him. My boss used to tell me that I had the best type of marriage, one where I hardly ever saw my husband. Needless to say, I started leaving on time from work (so I had more time to see my husband), I started taking my lunches (to have lunch with my husband) and I was penalized for it. My boss used to let me do whatever I wanted, but when I started being a normal employee and not being all about the job.....she watched me like a hawk as if I was....I don't know, a thief or something.

My boss was all about the job. She would come to work at 8am, and sometimes wouldn't leave until 7 or 8pm. When she would talk to her kids on the phone, it was as if they were a bother to her. How can people talk like that to their kids? [Sidebar: I know kids are annoying, but it's another thing to constantly telling them that they are annoying or that they are really bothering you]

You know that movie: "The Devil Wears Prada"? Awesome movie right? Well, my boss was just like Meryl Streep. I just felt so bad for her. She was a very shrewd business woman, but she had a horrible, very sad personal life.

I finally left that place, to work at Talent Zoo. I now work from home, and see my husband more. Which is quite honestly totally awesome!

Yea, there are times when he annoys me (what husband doesn't annoy his wife); but I have to say that honestly we have never had a better relationship. We actually have fun together. And when he goes to work now, it doesn't bother me as much. Next step getting knocked up!!

But to get back on topic, how can people have lives working around the clock? They would never see their families. Never see their kids grow up. There is this song, I don't remember the name of the song, but the gist of it was: this man who was so busy with work and his life; that he never had time for his son. But then he retires (or something like that) and he now wants to spend all his time with his son and his son has no time for him. It's so sad, but so true. I can't help but feel bad for those people, I mean yea some of them are filthy rich.....but money doesn't guarantee happiness (no matter what people think).

But now, even as I write this, I realize that without some of those people working around the clock...we wouldn't have some of the wonderful things what we have now!

So you know what??

KUDOS TO YOU PEOPLE WHO WORK AROUND THE CLOCK TO BETTER OUR ECONOMY!!!!!