WhiteWalls ss_blog_claim=0715ad90bc7bfcde32c3d390e1f6ea2d Just A Thought: Pain that encompasses all

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Pain that encompasses all

She could not hide the pain in her eyes. Was she hearing the doctor right? Miscarriage? Did I kill my baby? "God Almighty make him wrong," she prayed silently.

The doctor left the room and she got up, her sweet husband took her in his arms and said "I'm so sorry honey". She held it in no longer....she fell into her husband's strong arms crying. "He could be wrong, that baby could be okay," he said with such faith. She pushed him away and got dressed. "I killed my baby."

"Sweetie, you didn't. No, don't think that; stay positive. You don't know what's going to happen - you could still be pregnant. Have faith" She continued to get dressed and wiped her face. They walked out the door together.

As they got into the car she decided to call her mom. She dialed the number as her husband called out sick from work. She felt her body calm down, "I will have faith. The baby is fine." She recalled a story her grandmother told her about a woman who bled heavily during her pregnancy, and still had a healthy baby.

As her husband got in the car her mother answered the phone, "Hello" her mother’s calm, comforting voice caused her to start crying again. "The doctor said...the doctor said...he said...he said...", "What’s wrong sweetie?" her mother asked with concern. She couldn't bring herself to say her baby was gone...so she handed the phone to her husband.

"The doctor said that she will most likely have a miscarriage this weekend." She didn't hear the rest. "Why God? Why? What did I do wrong? Is it because of my weight? Is it because of my eating habits? Is it because of my asthma? What did I do wrong?" She kept asking herself the same questions over and over, crying. She shook her head and said with determination: "The baby is still there. I will give birth to this baby and give God all the glory. This will be a miracle that will totally give glory to God. I am still pregnant, the doctor can't know everything."

Her husband handed her the phone again: "Your mother wants to talk to you". He started driving home.

"Hi mom."

"Hi baby. Do you want me to come over? Your dad and I want to come over."

"No, its okay you don't have to come. I know you have plans."

"Do you want to see me?"

"Yes." She started to cry again this time harder. She handed the phone back to her husband. She couldn't handle it anymore. She shut down.

Silent the rest of the ride, she kept saying to herself: "The baby is still there. I will give birth to this baby and give God all the glory. This will be a miracle that will totally give glory to God. I am still pregnant, the doctor can't know everything."

They arrived home. She stood up to get out of the car and felt it. She felt the pain that would never leave her for the rest of her life.

"Oh my God."

"What happened? Are you okay?" Her husband quickly rushed to her side. "It's happening."

They walked slowly into the house and confirmed what she just felt. She called the doctor who told her the same; "I am so sorry but you are having the miscarriage right now." She hung up the phone and cried her heart out. She buried her face in her bed a screamed: "NO!!! GOD NO!"

Through her heart wrenching sobs she told her husband what the doctor told her and what she felt. "I'm so sorry" was all she could say to him; over and over she said "I'm so sorry". He held her and began to cry with her. "Stop it, it's not your fault," he repeated to her. It was the first time she ever saw him cry.

"I'll be right back," he said.

She lay down in bed waiting for her husband to come back. After he was gone for more than 15 minutes she walked around the house to find out he was outside crying. "Baby come back inside, don't leave me alone."

"Go lay down baby, I'm coming inside now." She waited for him as he walked back into the house. "Why did you go outside?" He looked like he was crying.

"I went to call my dad and let him know."

"And to cry right?"

"Yes," he admitted. She looked at him with great concern; "Baby, please don't push me away. We need to be together in this. We need to cry together. We need to mourn together."

"Ok, I promise. I won't leave you again," he said.

When they walked back into the bedroom, she held her stomach as the pain started again. She cried so hard she fell to her knees and had difficulty breathing. Her husband, picked her up and held her. "Baby, you need to calm down. You need to be able to breathe." He started to rub her back for a little bit.

"I need to lie down," she said.

They lay down in bed together holding each other for what seemed forever.

The door bell rang. "My parents are here. Come on." She told her husband.

"I don't even want to see them. Why did they come? I just want to be here with only you."

"They are here to help us and comfort us, come on." She slowly walked out to answer the door.

When she opened the door, the first face she saw - was her mothers. Her mother’s eyes held such compassion it caused her to cry again. "It's okay. Go ahead and let it out." As her body shook from the sobs, her mother cried with her.

1Cr 12:26 And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with [it]; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with [it].


lynnmosher said...

This is a wonderful story. Is it personal or something you made up? Either way, it's touching. Blessings to you...

caryn said...

thank you for sharing such a beautifully written post. as a woman who has been through this pain, it really touched me.

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