Everything is Going To Be Fine

This morning my husband and I woke up to find out that we don't have enough money to pay our rent next week. As I am sure a lot of people are realizing that too - unfortunately. But I have felt such a peace that God will provide, somehow some way we will get the money.

My blessed ever so wonderful husband - who is a worrier - is not feeling the same. So we've just been praying. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to earn extra money - to do something. I have been online all day trying to sign up for stuff to try and earn money. I signed up for Twitter Moms and its great! I am not a mom yet, but I signed up for it anyway.

This wonderful woman by the name of Bonnie Mechelle, Christian WeiGht LOss COaCh left me this beautiful poem. It truly blessed me because everything will be just fine!

You can listen to the poem here.

God will provide that money! I have faith and believe! We commit our money to you Lord! Thanks be to my heavenly Father!

JEHOVAH JIREH, MY PROVIDER
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME
FOR ME, FOR ME!
JEHOVAH JIREH, MY PROVIDER
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME

MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS
ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY
HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS
CHARGE OVER ME

JEHOVAH JIREH CARES FOR ME
FOR ME, FOR ME!J
JEHOVAH JIREH CARES FOR ME

Oh yea...

So, now that I got my period...my husband wants to start trying to have kids again. I don't know if thats a good idea. I have such doubts!

I mean, what about this economy? Dave and I have some debt over our head...shouldnt we wait to get rid of it until we start? Also, I am overweight, what if I had the miscarriage because of my weight issues? I mean, I am losing weight right now, but what if that's not enough?

Oh here's the best part! My dad told David that we should not have kids yet - because we don't have enough money or something like that. My dad has said some stupid things but that just takes the cake. I know that he means well, but dang! God bless him, that's all I can say.

I just don't know. What am I supposed to do? Dave is supportive, but he wants to talk about it. I don't think I am emotionally ready for that just yet too.

Actually I think that's the biggest thing. I don't think I could handle being pregnant again. I know that I shouldnt freak out about it. I know that lots of women have had miscarriages and have kids after. Its just...I don't know.

Life Now...

So now life is going on as normal as possible; but not really. I took a recent picture of my husband, and it seems as if he aged 20 years within the past month. Things are so different. I still blame the miscarriage on myself. Dave doesn't, but I can't help feel like its my fault.

I still am a little chunky from the pregnancy, so my self esteem is suffering. Greatly suffering. My husband has never been the romantic kind, I love him to death and I know he loves me...but he sooo sucks at that!!

So, work is going sorta well. I am a blog manager at Talent Zoo, I work on their family of blogs called OffSet Media. I am now paid per blog entry, it makes it a little more stressful...but I like writing. So far everything has been fine. The CEO and CFO told me that they are working on stuff to give me, so that I can earn more money. I am supposed to start that tomorrow.

God help us.

Dave freaks out about money so much. I keep trying to encourage him, but its like he's not listening! I keep trying to point him toward the bible, but I don't know whats happening with him. God please work in our lives! Dave told me today, that he wished he had the faith I do. I told him: "You can, you just have to believe."

I gotta keep praying for him. Then again, my father has been that same way since I was born. Then again, you never know! People can change.

Oh yea, Dave wants to go see his family for Thanksgiving. His family in Georgia. They are already having problems because we are not sleeping over. Dude, I don't mean to sound snobby - but they want us to sleep on the floor on an air mattress. Not even to mention my horrible back, but Dave has a horrible back and demands to do all the driving. So we are going to stay at a nearby Hotel.

We want to get there Wednesday morning (leaving Tuesday night) - and spend the day sight-seeing in Atlanta. Then we want to leave early Friday morning. His family hates me. That's the problem. No, hate is a strong word and its not the whole family. His mother does not like me. She is so mean to me. Her little snide comments go over Dave's head...but UGH!

She treats Dave's sister-in-law that way too. Dave's brother and her have been married for 5 years, and they have a 3 year old child together. That baby has not really spent time with Dave's mom. Its her fault!

Ok, well I have vented enough for the day. I need to go pray.

ALWAYS LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.

Life........

So, this is life in a recession. Where, no one can buy anything, and prices are going through the roof! I know my profile picture has a black and white picture......but that is actually a picture of my Grandmother. This is an updated picture of me and my honey.

During the last recession, I was only 2 or 3. This sucks! I lost my job last month due to "business being slow"...yeah that's code for "Your work is better than mine, so I am going to let you go". Which, quite honestly is the truth in this case. I was doing more work than my manager, and suggesting to her ways to better the business. Yeah, stupid me. But hey I learned, and shortly thereafter, I got a job with Talent Zoo. THANK GOD!!! So, now allegedly me and my honey are supposed to be saving money by me working at home? Right?

WRONG!!! With gas prices going up.........the prices of everything else is going up too! Maybe I should have paid more attention in Economics at school. This sucks greatly!! We (like most Americans today) are in debt to our credit card company. So my parents have suggested moving in with them until we can get rid of that debt. Its such a tempting offer, but dang! I don't want to move back home!

God knows what "fun" I had at home, and I ain't looking to get back in that again. But, I do hafta admit that my parents stated we would take over the basement as our "apartment", but I don't know! I know its a situation that is too good to be true. It's definitely a train wreck waiting to happen. Dave is on the fence about it too.

WHAT TO DO??!! I mean do we move in with them or do we move into a smaller apartment that is cheaper? We live in a three bedroom apartment. Should we just moved into a 2 bedroom? How much less can we go? All I want to do is be able to live on my own.......but should I just swallow up my pride?