Being a Worry wart...

Goodness gracious am I ever the worry wart. I have a bad tendency to worry about a lot of things...not everything mind you - but too much none-the-less. This is a huge battle for me - it's something I have been working on since I was...well, able to drive. Worrying. Doubting. Fear of the Unknown.

There is not one person in this world who can say: "Nope, I don't have that problem. I don't worry about anything. My life is grand!" Seriously people, can't you hear yourself? That's a load of garbage! If you are over the age of 10...you worry - it may not be a lot but you do.

There are SO many things that are out of our control, so many things that can go wrong...how can you not worry? You worry that your dinner is going to be less than par for your in-laws; or that you wont be passing that last final exam so you can graduate; or you worry that you will get the bus late and miss your doctors appointment; or not worrying that you wont be able to pay the rent/mortgage. You see? There is always something out of your control, and therefore there will be always something to worry about.

I say this because...you are not alone. I am right there with ya!...unfortunately we all are in some way shape or form.

Matthew 6:25 - 31 says: "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, [will He] not much more [clothe] you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day [is] its own trouble." (NKJV)

This is a perfect answer to the problem of worry. Its Gods promise, that He will never leave you or forsake you - that He is always there for you. If the birds in the air have something to eat...how much more will you have? If the lilies of the field are adorned so beautifully, how much more beautiful will you be, being a child of God?

Take this time right now to look back at your life. Go through each little detail and you will see God providing for you...even in the smallest ways. Remember that day you were starving and had no money to buy food...and all of a sudden you find a $20 bill in your pocket? I have personally seen God work mighty miracles in my life just like that...God is awesome isn't He?

Wait...what is that you ask me? "I have memorized that verse and still I worry about everything!" Not a problem, again we are all human. But I will respond to that statement by saying:

Phil 4: 6-7 says: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

These verses are a help-mate, if you will, to Matthew 6:25-31. It continues to say that you should give God everything...all your requests, all your worries. Pray, seek Him out. Ask God why, go ahead I dare ya - cause He will answer you. Tell Him your scared, tell Him you can't take it anymore. Tell Him everything. What He wants is for your to get to the point of: "I can't take this anymore Lord! What should I do?" Then and only then are you ready to stop.

Phil 4:8 - Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things [are] noble, whatever things [are] just, whatever things [are] pure, whatever things [are] lovely, whatever things [are] of good report, if [there is] any virtue and if [there is] anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things.

Get ready to stop.

I went to Word Of Life Bible Institute several years ago, and in one of my classes I was taught by a man name Phil Moser (awesome teacher!). He said to memorize this verse and every time you started to worry (or have problems with your thought life), concentrate on these words! These 8 words are the basis of right thinking. He came up with the awesome idea to put these 8 words on a stop sign and memorize them! Post them up in your room (or wherever) and that way you can memorize easier by seeing them constantly. Here is an example:

During this scary time, I can not imagine anyone who is not worrying. I hope this helps you, as it helps me everyday. God Bless!

Everything is Going To Be Fine

This morning my husband and I woke up to find out that we don't have enough money to pay our rent next week. As I am sure a lot of people are realizing that too - unfortunately. But I have felt such a peace that God will provide, somehow some way we will get the money.

My blessed ever so wonderful husband - who is a worrier - is not feeling the same. So we've just been praying. I have been racking my brain trying to figure out how to earn extra money - to do something. I have been online all day trying to sign up for stuff to try and earn money. I signed up for Twitter Moms and its great! I am not a mom yet, but I signed up for it anyway.

This wonderful woman by the name of Bonnie Mechelle, Christian WeiGht LOss COaCh left me this beautiful poem. It truly blessed me because everything will be just fine!

You can listen to the poem here.

God will provide that money! I have faith and believe! We commit our money to you Lord! Thanks be to my heavenly Father!

JEHOVAH JIREH, MY PROVIDER
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME
FOR ME, FOR ME!
JEHOVAH JIREH, MY PROVIDER
HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME

MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS
ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY
HE SHALL GIVE HIS ANGELS
CHARGE OVER ME

JEHOVAH JIREH CARES FOR ME
FOR ME, FOR ME!J
JEHOVAH JIREH CARES FOR ME

Oh yea...

So, now that I got my period...my husband wants to start trying to have kids again. I don't know if thats a good idea. I have such doubts!

I mean, what about this economy? Dave and I have some debt over our head...shouldnt we wait to get rid of it until we start? Also, I am overweight, what if I had the miscarriage because of my weight issues? I mean, I am losing weight right now, but what if that's not enough?

Oh here's the best part! My dad told David that we should not have kids yet - because we don't have enough money or something like that. My dad has said some stupid things but that just takes the cake. I know that he means well, but dang! God bless him, that's all I can say.

I just don't know. What am I supposed to do? Dave is supportive, but he wants to talk about it. I don't think I am emotionally ready for that just yet too.

Actually I think that's the biggest thing. I don't think I could handle being pregnant again. I know that I shouldnt freak out about it. I know that lots of women have had miscarriages and have kids after. Its just...I don't know.

Life Now...

So now life is going on as normal as possible; but not really. I took a recent picture of my husband, and it seems as if he aged 20 years within the past month. Things are so different. I still blame the miscarriage on myself. Dave doesn't, but I can't help feel like its my fault.

I still am a little chunky from the pregnancy, so my self esteem is suffering. Greatly suffering. My husband has never been the romantic kind, I love him to death and I know he loves me...but he sooo sucks at that!!

So, work is going sorta well. I am a blog manager at Talent Zoo, I work on their family of blogs called OffSet Media. I am now paid per blog entry, it makes it a little more stressful...but I like writing. So far everything has been fine. The CEO and CFO told me that they are working on stuff to give me, so that I can earn more money. I am supposed to start that tomorrow.

God help us.

Dave freaks out about money so much. I keep trying to encourage him, but its like he's not listening! I keep trying to point him toward the bible, but I don't know whats happening with him. God please work in our lives! Dave told me today, that he wished he had the faith I do. I told him: "You can, you just have to believe."

I gotta keep praying for him. Then again, my father has been that same way since I was born. Then again, you never know! People can change.

Oh yea, Dave wants to go see his family for Thanksgiving. His family in Georgia. They are already having problems because we are not sleeping over. Dude, I don't mean to sound snobby - but they want us to sleep on the floor on an air mattress. Not even to mention my horrible back, but Dave has a horrible back and demands to do all the driving. So we are going to stay at a nearby Hotel.

We want to get there Wednesday morning (leaving Tuesday night) - and spend the day sight-seeing in Atlanta. Then we want to leave early Friday morning. His family hates me. That's the problem. No, hate is a strong word and its not the whole family. His mother does not like me. She is so mean to me. Her little snide comments go over Dave's head...but UGH!

She treats Dave's sister-in-law that way too. Dave's brother and her have been married for 5 years, and they have a 3 year old child together. That baby has not really spent time with Dave's mom. Its her fault!

Ok, well I have vented enough for the day. I need to go pray.

ALWAYS LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD.

Life........

So, this is life in a recession. Where, no one can buy anything, and prices are going through the roof! I know my profile picture has a black and white picture......but that is actually a picture of my Grandmother. This is an updated picture of me and my honey.

During the last recession, I was only 2 or 3. This sucks! I lost my job last month due to "business being slow"...yeah that's code for "Your work is better than mine, so I am going to let you go". Which, quite honestly is the truth in this case. I was doing more work than my manager, and suggesting to her ways to better the business. Yeah, stupid me. But hey I learned, and shortly thereafter, I got a job with Talent Zoo. THANK GOD!!! So, now allegedly me and my honey are supposed to be saving money by me working at home? Right?

WRONG!!! With gas prices going up.........the prices of everything else is going up too! Maybe I should have paid more attention in Economics at school. This sucks greatly!! We (like most Americans today) are in debt to our credit card company. So my parents have suggested moving in with them until we can get rid of that debt. Its such a tempting offer, but dang! I don't want to move back home!

God knows what "fun" I had at home, and I ain't looking to get back in that again. But, I do hafta admit that my parents stated we would take over the basement as our "apartment", but I don't know! I know its a situation that is too good to be true. It's definitely a train wreck waiting to happen. Dave is on the fence about it too.

WHAT TO DO??!! I mean do we move in with them or do we move into a smaller apartment that is cheaper? We live in a three bedroom apartment. Should we just moved into a 2 bedroom? How much less can we go? All I want to do is be able to live on my own.......but should I just swallow up my pride?

Redeeming Post....

Okay, so because of my last post, I feel like I need to have a redeeming post. Need people to see that I am not only about the job.

Speaking of not being only about the job; I wonder how people (who are all about the job) do it. How can they have a fulfilling life? How can they have any life? I am a Blog Manager for Talent Zoo, and I get emails from all hours of the night from people. It makes me sad. I used to be all about my job. I used to be a Reports Analyst for a company called Carey International. Loved the job, I mean I was all about the job! Would get to work at 7:30am and wouldn't leave until about 5:30 or 6pm. My boss loved me, I was always there for her, got her lunch, ran her errands. I was basically a personal assistant and definitely not being paid for it. But I never complained, I did it because I felt bad for her (no one liked her); and I wanted to learn from her as well (of course).

But, then, my husband started to work overnight, and I never saw him. My boss used to tell me that I had the best type of marriage, one where I hardly ever saw my husband. Needless to say, I started leaving on time from work (so I had more time to see my husband), I started taking my lunches (to have lunch with my husband) and I was penalized for it. My boss used to let me do whatever I wanted, but when I started being a normal employee and not being all about the job.....she watched me like a hawk as if I was....I don't know, a thief or something.

My boss was all about the job. She would come to work at 8am, and sometimes wouldn't leave until 7 or 8pm. When she would talk to her kids on the phone, it was as if they were a bother to her. How can people talk like that to their kids? [Sidebar: I know kids are annoying, but it's another thing to constantly telling them that they are annoying or that they are really bothering you]

You know that movie: "The Devil Wears Prada"? Awesome movie right? Well, my boss was just like Meryl Streep. I just felt so bad for her. She was a very shrewd business woman, but she had a horrible, very sad personal life.

I finally left that place, to work at Talent Zoo. I now work from home, and see my husband more. Which is quite honestly totally awesome!

Yea, there are times when he annoys me (what husband doesn't annoy his wife); but I have to say that honestly we have never had a better relationship. We actually have fun together. And when he goes to work now, it doesn't bother me as much. Next step getting knocked up!!

But to get back on topic, how can people have lives working around the clock? They would never see their families. Never see their kids grow up. There is this song, I don't remember the name of the song, but the gist of it was: this man who was so busy with work and his life; that he never had time for his son. But then he retires (or something like that) and he now wants to spend all his time with his son and his son has no time for him. It's so sad, but so true. I can't help but feel bad for those people, I mean yea some of them are filthy rich.....but money doesn't guarantee happiness (no matter what people think).

But now, even as I write this, I realize that without some of those people working around the clock...we wouldn't have some of the wonderful things what we have now!

So you know what??

KUDOS TO YOU PEOPLE WHO WORK AROUND THE CLOCK TO BETTER OUR ECONOMY!!!!!