My Hero...

To my readers, these two entries were about that day through my eyes. I dedicate this story to my mother who saved someone's life that day. She's my hero.

!!!!!!!!!!! I must warn it gets a little graphic!!!!!!!!!!!


"Where’s Dad?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know," her mother replied. "I tried to call him, but couldn't get through. I waited a little, but decided to walk to the ferry with Mary-Ann." Mary-Ann was her mother's 67yr old co-worker who lived down the street from them. Her mother went upstairs to shower off the dust.

"We gotta keep trying to call Dad," her brother finally broke the silence. He picked up the phone and continued trying.

While they waited for their mother to return, they continued to watch the news stories in disbelief. Jessica kept repeating to herself; "This can't be happening."

Their mother finally came downstairs and sat down with them.

"Ma, what happened?"

Their mother looked at them both with such sadness in her eyes. "I need a minute. Just a minute to stop and regroup."

Jessica watched as her mother put her hands on her face and sobbed so hard her body shook. It scared Jessica how hard her mother cried.

After some time, her mother looked up at them both. "I'm sorry about that. It’s just....the things that I saw..." her mother stopped.

"Mom, tell us what happened." Jessica said foolishly.

"Well, when it all started, we all heard a loud boom. It was so loud and so close we all figured that the Windows Around the World Restaurant had some sort of accident. Our fire & evacuation warden told everyone to get out. I asked her what had happened, all she told me was 'I don't know. All I know is I don't feel safe in here.'

"So I grabbed my bag and walked out the door. I didn't even think to grab my sneakers; I thought we would be back upstairs after a while. I called your father and we told each other just to get home. Thank God we left.

"I walked slowly with Mary-Ann, as she was having difficulty walking due to her breathing problems. We walked down the street to your fathers building and waited." Her mother stopped to wipe her eyes, "I tried calling your father, but only got through once. I left him a message saying I was waiting for him in front of his building. After a few minutes, I looked up at the Towers and saw what looked like clothes falling from the sky. I thought maybe people were getting hot and throwing their clothes out the windows; but as I took a step closer I saw that it was people." Their mother started to cry again, this time her children joined with her. "Oh my God, what must they have been thinking to jump out of a window and take their life...." she trailed off.

After a minute of silence and tears she continued, "I decided to walk to the Staten Island Ferry with Mary-Ann. When we got a couple of blocks away, the second plane hit the other tower. Mary-Ann kept repeating that the building was going to fall on us." Her mother took a breath.

"I kept telling her 'No, they're not going to fall, Mary-Ann. They were built to withstand things like this'. It was the Lord who kept me so calm during that whole time, all I kept thinking was that I did not want her to have a heart attack.

“Mary-Ann was telling me to leave her; she kept saying that she would understand if I ran off without her. But I told her, 'Mary-Ann we are going to get to the Ferry together. There is no way I am going to leave you here alone. Now let’s keep walking.' As soon as I said that there was a loud noise, like an airplane engine right next to us.

"I turned around to see this huge plume of smoke coming straight at us. I told Mary-Ann to cover her face completely with her sweater; I grabbed her arm and we kept walking. I covered my mouth and nose to keep the smoke out. It was so thick I could not see anything in front of me except this pair of black pants. And I followed those pants until we got to Battery Park." she stopped and looked at both her children.

"That was definitely the Lord guiding us, as I could not see a thing. Literally all I saw was a pair of black pants. Once we got to Battery Park, I wanted to thank the person and tell them we were following them, but I could not find anyone wearing those pants. It was as if they disappeared. God was really with us that day." Her mom sat back on the couch, watching her children as if she had never seen them before.

Xavier and Jessica looked at each other in disbelief and in unison said; "I can't believe this is happening."

They all hugged and said a prayer for their father.

At 2:00pm they received an odd phone call.

Xavier answered the phone, "Dad?"

"No, it’s your cousin Tati. Can I talk to your mom?"

Xavier handed the phone to their mother and gave a look of confusion to Jessica. "Who’s Tati?"

"Oh, that’s Dad cousin. I thought she lived in Puerto Rico, how did she get through?" Jessica asked.

As their mom got off the phone, she gave a small smile to them, "That was your dad's cousin Tati. She said that she talked to Dad. He's okay. He's in New Jersey walking home."

"How did he get into New Jersey?" Jessica asked.

"I don't know, but I'm guessing he's going to have an interesting story."

They continued to watch TV and wait for news from their father. Around 5:30pm, Jessica got a call from their father. "Dad, is that you?"

"Hi, tell your mother to meet me at the Bayonne Bridge. They’re not letting any cars over, so I will be walking across. She needs to leave now, I'm about to walk across now." her dad instructed. Jessica relayed all this news to her mother who ran out the door.

An hour later their father was home changed, hugging his children and retelling his story.

"Well, as soon as I got off the phone with your mother I went down stairs with my boss Katherine. I waited several minutes and tried calling mom’s cell phone." They figured out that her mother and father just missed each other by minutes.

He continued, "After a few minutes of no answer, I figured mom started to walk toward the ferry. I decided to take the Ferry to New Jersey with Katherine as she lived in New Jersey and could give me a ride. As we walked toward the ferry, we turned a corner, and heard the towers collapse. I froze as I heard the noise that sounded like an airplane engine right over head; and I said to myself 'How could I leave without her?' Please forgive me for leaving without you," he asked her mother tenderly.

"No, don't worry. It's okay. We were all confused." her mother took his hand in hers.

Her father continued, "Well, I wanted to go back to look for you, but Katherine said it would be impossible, dangerous and that we should keep on going. When we finally got to the Ferry, we met up with 2 other people. A father and daughter from Staten Island. We ended up travelling with them the entire time. We got on the last ferry out of New York. When we got to New Jersey, Katherine's husband was there to pick us up. He drove us as far as Hoboken, there the man, his daughter and I walked to Jersey City where they had parked their car. As we were walking I got a call from Tati, screaming and crying asking me if I was okay. I told her I was and had her call you guys. Did she?" Her dad asked.

"Yeah she did. I was confused, I thought she got the wrong number," Xavier said.

They laughed for the first time that day. Her dad continued, "When we arrived at the Bayonne Bridge we were kept from driving across, as they didn't know if anymore attacks were coming. After waiting a bit, the guard agreed to let us walk across the bridge. And now, I'm finally home. Thank you Lord for protecting us all."

God worked mighty miracles that day.

Jessica's friend from college worked on the 96th floor of one of the towers in one of the investment firms there. Her friend was never late to work; that morning she woke up an hour late. As she arrived in New York, the first Tower was hit.

A co-worker of Jessica told the story of how her father, who never called out of work a day in his life, called out sick that morning.

Jessica's uncle was a Police Officer in New York. He was late to work that morning as well. If he had gone into work on time, he would have been one of the first responders on scene.

A woman was trapped in the collapsed building underneath so much rubble. She was barely alive when she heard someone calling out for survivors. When she responded, a hand came through a small opening. He said his name was Ralph, and that he would hold her hand until they got her out of there. She explained that if that hand wasn't there...she would probably have given up and died. But she fought to stay awake, to meet her rescuer, her new found friend. But when she got out, there was no Ralph there. Actually there was no Ralph in that team who rescued her. They told her, no one was holding her hand at all.

God saved many people that day, and worked many miracles throughout that day.

I wrote this as a reminder for everyone. Please remember to tell those you love, how you feel about them. Don’t go to bed angry, you don’t know the future.

Be kind to those around you. Never forget.

Psa 20:7 Some [trust] in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

Humbleness is what I long for...

Phl 2:1-4 Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

Humility...that's a huge buzz word these days. What does it mean to be humble? Literal definition: To be meek, not proud. Its not in our nature to be humble, I definitely know its not in my nature. You have to remember, one of the first things we are taught in school as kids is to be proud of your accomplishments, look after your own and look after yourself..because no one else will.

Pride, which is the antithesis to Humility, has been around for a while. Remember, Lucifer was thrown out of heaven, because of his pride. 1Ti 3:6 (speaking of those in leadership at church) ...not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil. (Emphasis mine)

Pro 16:18 Pride [goes] before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.

Pride is harmful to your soul. I know and love someone who is very prideful, he thinks he can handle anything that comes his way. Right now, he has no relationship with the Lord. He told someone close that: "he is tired of talking to someone who won't answer back"...he was talking about God.

Now, I know what you would think automatically, that's not a sign of pride. You would be right, its not. Its a sign of giving up, a sign of anger - hate even. But it started out as pride. It started out that he thought he was better at handling everything, better than God.

This young man started out wanting to know God, wanting to have that fire burn within him...but he let pride get in the way.

It was something simple, something that is normally over looked: he was proud of himself, or his accomplishments. So proud.

It didn't take long for the pride to turn to confusion (Why didn't God answer me the way I wanted Him to?); then the confusion to turn to despair (Why isn't God answering me?); and the despair to turn to anger (Fine, I will do it...since God doesn't have time). Then the anger turns into hate (I refuse to talk to someone who won't answer me).

Pride is going to keep you from having a great relationship with God, no it will keep you from having a relationship with God. Period.

There are no in-betweens with sin, you can't have it both ways (be prideful and serve God). As it says in Matthews 6:24 "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon..."

Pride = loving yourself.

Humility = loving JOY (Jesus, Others, Yourself)

Luk 14:11 For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

What is Happening People?

I decided to make this into a series. There is a lot happening in our world that should be addressed!

Teens and Sex

Last week in church, I was talking with a teenage girl and her mother. And all the teen talked about was having a boyfriend; how she wanted one but only the ugly guys want to go out with her; how she thinks its because she's so tall that boys don't ask her out. Oh by the way...she's only 14. She is 14 years old worrying about boys. I tried talking some sense into her, but she wouldn't listen. Her mother didn't stop me...but she wasn't agreeing with me either. What is up people?!

Putting aside the fact that she is 14 yrs old, I firmly believe that girls (or really any female at any age) should enjoy their youth, then later they can think about having a relationship with the opposite sex. I spent much of my teenage years and the beginning of my adult years worrying about boys. Was I pretty enough, Was I funny enough, Was I smart enough? And when I was rejected (or just didn't have a special guy), I would put myself down. Then, when I finally "had" a boyfriend, I changed myself to be the girl that he wanted.

I didn't get to live at all. My relationship with the Lord suffered so greatly. I mean look at that last paragraph...it just wasn't me!

Finally, God gave me that "smack upside the head"...He opened my eyes. I can't say exactly what happened, but my eyes were opened...and I became sad. I was sad because, I didn't let myself live. I didn't get to experience all the great things someone at that age does - because some dumb boy hurt my feelings...or I was acting like someone else. I don't want that to happen to anyone else.

What we need to do is talk to our kids. We need to stop ignoring the problem...and get down to it! I live in Maryland and heard the other day...that a 10yr old girl just found out she was pregnant. People this problem is not going to go away - it's only going to get worse! Be honest with your kids! If you are...please let me give you a round of applause! But if you are not...if you think your kids are old enough or they know better - please, please, please talk to your kids now.

Once you start talking...you will be surprised at what happens. They are will start talking back. Teenagers are a handful (boy is that ever an understatement); I know sometimes you just want to walk away and let them make their own mistakes. Please don't.

Please remember that if your kid is acting out...it's because they need some attention.

Luke 23:28 But Jesus turning unto them said, Daughters of Jerusalem, weep not for me, but weep for yourselves, and for your children.

Never Lose Heart

Here is an awesome devotional from Joyce Meyers' book "Never Lose Heart". It totally blessed me with all that Dave and I are going through.

Be still and Know God.

God's Word For You

Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth! - Psalm 46:10

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

One of the main reasons so many of us are burned out and stressed out is that we don't know how to be still, to "know" God and "acknowledge" Him. When we spend time with Him, we learn to hear His voice. When we acknowledge Him, He directs our paths. We need to learn to be quiet inside and stay in that peaceful state so that we are always ready to hear the Lord's voice.


Many people today run from one thing to the next. Because their minds don't know how to be still, they don't know how to be still.


For a long time I felt I had to find something to do every evening. I had to be involved and a part of whatever was going on. I thought I couldn't afford to miss anything because I didn't want anything to go on that I didn't know about. I couldn't just sit and be still. I had to be up and doing something. I was not a human being - I was a human doing.


We need to be careful to submit our ideas and plans to God, then slow down and wait. Make sure there is a sense of peace to go along with the plans and ideas. Ask the Lord for His will in your life, then be still and know that He is God.



God gives His highest and best to those whose trust is in Him. Be still and let Him show Himself strong in your life.

My Prayer Life

Last night, I read through my old journal from 2001. I lived in New York, still at home. It was interesting to read. But one thing shocked me, I saw how I used to pray. It made me a little ashamed. My sweet husband tried to console me, telling me that in my past I was still searching for answers and that's why I prayed like that. But it didn't make me feel better. I mean, he's right though. The things that I wrote in there shocked me at how misguided I was...but does that excuse my loss of fervency in my prayer?

My prayer life now actually has been slacking - I'm changing that. But this makes me think. Have I lost that fire in me? Or has it changed? I mean I still have the fire for ministry, and I pray (just not as much as I should)...but is that enough?

Heres a thought...

I know that people have a tendency to over-react. I am one of them....actually a major one at times! So here goes my over-reaction....maybe.

Why can't we all just get along? People are just bashing each other left and right! People are so full of hate and bitterness. Its become more evident with this election. On my twitter account I was following this woman (obviously not following anymore), and she was spewing these facts - real or fake is not my point. My point is she kept going on and on! She kept saying the same things over and over and over! I thought wow, she really believes in McCain, but this is a bit much.

Now the thing that made upset and stop following her was her saying this: 'You can't call yourself a real Christian if you vote for Obama' and other garbage stating you would go to hell if you vote for Obama, your a horrible person blah, blah, blah, blah. Now thats just plain wrong! Who are you to say this? Who are you to judge lady?

It's funny my pastor talked about this subject, just this Sunday. Just because you have a conviction about something (i.e. smoking, drinking alcohol...voting for whoever) - doesn't mean everyone has the same convictions! Doesn't mean you must change the opposing convictions. You can hear the awesome sermon here.

Why do we have to make everyone believe the same way we do? Why can't we just let the Lord work in their lives? Who are we to think that we need to convince people about things the Lord has convicted us about? God gave us free will for a reason people!!!!

I personally don't drink any alcohol, but I happen to know of two Godly people who drink wine on occasion. I know several Godly people who drink socially. There's nothing wrong with that! I happen to know Christians who are voting for Obama and I know Christians are voting for McCain. I even know some Christians who do not want to vote at all (they don't believe in either candidate). I am not going to accuse any of those people for not being a true Christian, I am not going to try and guilt them into anything. I am just going to love them like Christ loves us.

Why I Believe In Christ as My Lord and Saviour

I grew up in a Christian family. Went to church every Sunday; went to youth group on Fridays...and so on. But I didn't believe. I just went and did those things because Mom and Dad told me to. But I hated going. I was an Agnostic (DEFINITION: one who neither believes nor disbelieves in God; one who believes that there is not enough evidence either way.)

Then I entered into High School. In my Freshman year of high school, I had a tumor growing on my ovaries. The surgery caused me to miss school for one semester (about 3-4 months) - being tutored at home. Then in my Sophmore year, I sprained both my ankles (at the same time). I sprained them so bad that, I had to use a wheelchair in school for about a month. I hated it, I was humiliated because most of my "friends" thought I was faking it. I was also sexually assaulted in school. He told everyone in school that I asked for it - even after we pressed charges. In my Junior year, I developed sciatica. I had to walk with a cane for about 90% of the time that year. I missed about a month of school (sporadically), I lost all the people I called friends then. No one talked to me, I was all alone. I was depressed and all alone. I wanted to die.

During my junior year, as I was contemplating suicide, I finally realized that God was trying to get my attention. He allowed all those things happen to me, because He loved me and wanted me to learn about Him. I finally became a Christian at the age of 16. My Senior year, nothing happened.

The summer after senior year, I went on a missions trip to Portugal. That changed my life even more, I saw those people living in such filth! Yet, they found peace and strength in Christ. It strengthened my faith even more.

I believe in Christ, because He saved me so many times. Yes, a lot of things happened - but He didn't let me die.

Today

Today was the first day i went back to church since the miscarriage. Wow it was hard. Not many people came up to me, which was perfect...but there was this one family who came up to me and talked me up a storm!

Not that I don't appreciate that, its just weird. I mean this family (all girls), is awesome, sweet, kind, God fearing women. But, why ask all those questions? I guess its because they care, but hey at least I didn't burst out crying.

Oh yea, I saw Michelle today. She looked great, I believe she's about 7 months pregnant. She is having some difficulty with her pregnancy, but Lord willing everything will be fine. I am definitely praying for her.